Bedtime Stories

As obsessed as I currently am with reading 'Columbine' by Dave Cullen, I can't seem to allow myself to pick it up once I'm home at night.

I can read it in the morning.

I can read it on the subway to work.

I can even read it on the subway home after work.

But once I walk in my front door, I have to put it down. The Loved One is still out of town and I think the book causes anxiety in me. Maybe I fear someone will come in and gun me down in the middle of the night? Maybe I fear I'll be plagued with bad dreams in which I'm gunned down? I don't know. I just accept it. The book is a fascinating study of the events that surrounded the shootings. Previously I was unaware that the two shooters had planted three bombs around the school that, if successfully had detonated, could have killed more than 2,000 students and teachers. Thankfully, Eric Harris was not so adept at wiring. But still, to think that they planned it for a year and half and got away with as much as they did especially when there were so many signals blaring in their direction that help was needed.

Be more aware of signals.

So at night I climb into bed with my dad's old copy of Grimm's Fairy Tales illustrated by Maurice Sendak. I take comfort in each story as the main character triumphs over their many obstacles. Of course I haven't reached the truly violent or scary stories yet so maybe they too will plague my dreams. At the moment, I'm comforted by them and they remind me of when I would grab the fairy tale book my mother had as a child (in my possession now but too fragile to read) and crawl into my father's lap and make him read to me at night. One story was never enough. There was one I made Dad read to me over and over. The name escapes me but it's about a young boy who's perceived as dumb by his father and older brothers. There is a contest to win the hand of a princess in marriage. The silly young boy wins each and every contest through his creativity. There's something involving a dead bird and mud in a wooden shoe...I'll have to look at it again. Along with the traditional Rapunzel and Cinderella story. Although not Grimm, I recall these tales as being dark and violent as well.

Stymied by more rejections this week. I would start keeping track of them but that would be too overwhelming. Also overwhelming is the amount of people saying, "I know something will happen. I can feel it." No, you don't know that. So stop saying it. In this business, it could never happen. And that's the risk we take. Blah blah blah.

Had drink with the Muse last night. She's trying to push me to finish the play. So close. But then it needs a revision. And then it needs to be sent out. Meaning, more risks need to be taken.

I'd like my life to be like a fairy tale, though.

And he lived happily ever after...