The Gallatin School allows its students to take classes in almost all of the other divisions and branches of NYU. The final oral exam is one in which you present a thesis topic and then defend it with a series of books you've read throughout your time in the program. I was fascinated by this final endeavor and approached it with great relish. I loved to read and so I assumed it would be an easy task to pick 20 or so titles to defend my thesis. The problem was, what was my thesis?
After three and a half years at NYU I felt as if I was just starting to get on my feet. I had only recently discovered the art of directing and knew that this was something I was good at and wanted to do for the rest of my life. Well, I knew I was good at it. Directing encompassed all of my interpretative and analytic skills while allowing me creative freedom. As an actor, I had always been outside of myself, judging my performance but never really living it. As a director, this Brechtian remove proved to be an advantage!
But I was about to graduate and what was I going to do with this new found knowledge...skill... art?
Luckily, I happened upon the Broadway production of Master Class, written by Terrence McNally, directed by Leonard Foglia and starring Patti LuPone. I knew nothing about opera at the time. (My knowledge of the art is still horribly lacking). I knew little of McNally, aside from having seen "Love! Valour! Compassion!" with my parents. But I knew all about La LuPone. I had seen her in "Anything Goes". I had watched every episode of "Life Goes On" and I had every beat of "Evita" memorized. So I couldn't miss her return to Broadway as Maria Callas -- whomever that was.
The production blew me away. Not just because of the script, or the direction, or LuPone. No, it was the combination of the ingredients speaking to me at that time, in that place, as an artist. Yes, it was about Maria Callas but more than that it was about pursuing a life in the theatre. In the arts. It was speaking to me. "Master Class" had given me a voice.
"You must know what you want to do in life, you must decide. For we cannot do everything."
I memorized and presented that entire final monologue at my oral presentation. I can remember very little of it now. But it's true. You must know. You must decide. I had to hold on to that at the time. I still hold on to it now but perhaps too closely. Or maybe it's just that what I thought I knew I wanted to do isn't really what I should be doing. You know? Good. Cause I sure as hell don't. But I'm figuring it out.
Forever ingrained in my mind is the image of Patti LuPone as Maria Callas standing center stage, reliving one of Callas' triumphs at La Scala. The harsh Juilliard classroom walls slowly began to melt away into the box seats of La Scala. Slowly the music rose as LuPone explained each and every trill, every moment of that evening. The other actors on stage disappeared and the lights got lower, more intense. The music continued to rise as did LuPone's voice. It was sheer ecstasy. A perfect marriage of performer, part and directing. The lights came up and I was in tears. I had found my voice.
Unfortunately, I seem to have dropped that voice somewhere on this crowded island. If you find it huddled in a corner or begging for change on the subway do me a favor and return it.
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