Dream. Hope. Rock: Part 2

That evening massaged, showered and ready to go out, the TV Actor and I went out to hit a gay bar or two. We were staying in Dupont Circle area so this was, allegedly, convenient. So we set out; she in a pair of impossibly high heels, tight leather pants and a low cut silk shirt that displayed her ample cleavage. The first bar we went to was no longer there. The second bar we went to was loud, dark and crowded.

The TV Actor asked me to ask the bartender if they had a VIP lounge. I looked at her incredulously, Really?

"Yes. Please ask. At least it'll be a place for me to sit. These shoes hurt." I took a deep breath, swallowed my pride and went up to the bar. I was embarrassed. I don't like to draw attention to myself. I didn't want to announce who I was here with. And what if they didn't know who she was. That would be awkward. Plus, the place was packed and loud so to get the attention of the bartender to ask a silly question was going to take some doing.

Excuse me, I shouted. Excuse me. The bartender turned a weary eye toward me and leaned in not at all as I sandwiched myself between two unmoving older gays on stools. Hi. I...uhm...I was wondering if you have any kind of VIP area here. You see I'm here with...and I explained the situation as succinctly as I could. He looked at me, as I feared, as if he had no idea who I was talking about. He shook his head no and turned away. I turned back to the TV Actor and she was gone, swept away in a sea of gay. I followed the bar around and saw her in the midst of a crowd, drink in her hand, smiling and entertaining the group with fabulous stories. She waved and motioned me over but I wasn't interested in joining the crowd. I motioned that I needed a drink and that I'd be right back and I pulled my own disappearing act into the crowd.

I bought a beer from the unfriendly bartender who continued to look at me suspiciously and I found the stairs to the second floor, the dance floor. I didn't feel like dancing but I did feel like disappearing in the music. The thumping drew me up and up and the colored lights flashed like a beacon. The dance floor was packed. There was another, smaller bar in the back. It was darker up here than downstairs and that was perfect for disappearing. I looked at my watch. It was late. The bars here close early. I should get my drinking in. I chugged my beer, ordered another and then commandeered a comfortable section next to the wall. I watched the sweaty mass in front of my move as if in unison. Cigarettes, bottles of beer and mixed drinks were held high in the air. Naked torsos twirled, twisted, bent and shook. I inhaled the scent of the place. It was booze and testosterone. I wasn't really looking at specific men; I was more taking in the movement of the mass. Suddenly I felt hot breath on my neck that smelled like whiskey. "Hi."

I turned and there was an older guy in his 60s standing next to me. He had two drinks in his hand, a receding hairline and a tiny paunch. He was wearing a pastel polo and khakis rolled at the bottom. He was leering at me while rocking back and forth on his unsteady legs. I was waiting for him to capsize in the storm around us. "Hi," he said again.

Hi, I nodded and tried not to engage.

"You know why no one here is talking to you?" he leaned in even further and perched one of his drink-heavy hands on my shoulder.

No. No, I don't.

"Because they're scared of you. You look like you don't want to be approached. Your eyes are mean."

I turned my mean eyes on him.

"But I'm not scared of you," he slurred. "I think you're just lonely."

Of course I was lonely. I was in a bar with my back to the wall drink in one hand, cigarette in the other watching people go by instead of engaging. Instead of being a part of the crowd, I was observing it. But I was comfortable in my loneliness. I didn't want to engage at the moment. I needed some time to be with myself even if that meant being alone. I certainly didn't want to fill the void with a drunk, leering 60-year old who needed to hold on to two drinks at the same time.

"You're very handsome though. Your angry eyes are beautiful. I'm very attracted to you."

And out of nowhere another arm slipped around my waist and drew me in. A warm, wet mouth kissed my cheek. An unfamiliar voice said, "Hey baby." I turned and standing next to me was a tall, handsome, young blonde guy with bright blue eyes and a perfect smile. "Is this guy bothering you?"

I turned to the 60-year old and said, I was just waiting for my boyfriend. Then I planted a kiss on the mouth of the guy standing next to me. He tasted of beer and salt. I put my arm around him and his back was wet from dancing. I looked up at him and he dismissed the drunken old man with a nod of the head. The leery one stumbled drunkenly, sheepishly, away disappearing into the dark and swept up in the wave of bodies, left to drown in his own loneliness.

I turned to my savior. Thanks a lot. I thought I was going to be stuck with him for the rest of the night.

"I saw you from across the room and I know how that guy can be so I wanted to help you out."

I really appreciate it. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, you know?

"You're a nice guy."

Yeah. I looked down at the floor. All of a sudden the room was alive with light and the music stopped abruptly. The gay men scattered for the door like cockroaches in a kitchen.

What was that?

"Closing time."

Already?

"It's two."

Oh, shit. I have to find my friend. I left her downstairs a while ago. Listen, I have to go. Thanks again for helping me out. You were great.

And with that I followed the roaches downstairs and found the TV Star just saying goodbye to her newfound friends. She gave me a big drunken smile and threw her arms around me. "Where were you?!"

I got lost in the crowd upstairs.

"We had so much fun down here. These guys are great. I can't believe it's 2am. Let's get the fuck outta here."

Yeah. Let's get out of here. And we stumbled out into the dark, warm, Spring night.

Can you walk? I asked.

"Fuck, yeah." And we headed back to our hotel. I turned and caught a brief glimpse of my saviour standing outside the bar. I gave him a quick wave and a smile. He nodded back.

"Who was that?" the TV Actor asked seductively.

No one. Let's get back to the hotel.